After Lord Of The Rings: Aragorn's Story
by Billominic
Summary: Aragorn is a little parnoid due to living in the wild, now in Minas Tirith the women are out to get him.
1. Week 1, Arwen is out to get me

Disclaimer: Don't own any Lord of the Ring characters don't sue me please I beg you.  
  
Co-Written by: Me and friend and Cookie (aka Christine, but you don't know that)  
  
A/N: I would just like to warn you that if you like Legolas you probably won't want to read this, and if you don't like parodies you shouldn't read this and of you like Aragorn you might now want to read this, BUT if you love Parodies and you love to make fun of Lotr characters you'll love this (or you should). Anyway here is the story....Poor Aragorn  
  
Week 1  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
'Most people say living in the wild will make you paranoid... does it??? I mean everyone's just a little on the weird side at my house... I mean castle...no citadel...let's just call it Minas Tirith.' After the ring, war, thing I married Arwen life was good, but then I noticed that Galadriel moved in. I'm not sure why she moved in, people seem to think that I'm a little slow because I-I-I'm king, but they're just stupid, I have my sources. Who's next Elrond...  
  
I-I-I just went with it.  
  
A few months into the marriage, Legolas and Gimli came, they didn't leave so I think they took over a room. Not sure which one, I think they are sharing a room. I-I-I-I have been trying to avoid them, not sure if they are straight. Then Legolas disappeared off the face of Middle-Earth. A week later I got a postcard... whats a postcard??? That's what he said on the letter. It said something about winning a drag-queen contest... once again what's a drag-queen??? But Legolas says a lot of things... not sure what he's talking about anymore.  
  
I didn't really like him.  
  
As I was saying after they moved and left all, ALL the ladies, girls, females whatever dyed their hair blonde. I think Arwen was trying to confuse me. She is some-what evil, don't know what I saw in her. I mean come on she my cousin... 49 times removed, just a little messed up (just a little). She didn't tell me until the honeymoon, maybe that's why Elrond didn't want me to marry her.  
  
To late now.  
  
Lately I noticed the female part of the house... castle... Minas Tirith... let's call it lounge, anyway they have been plotting, people say I'm paranoid but I know... oh I know. They think they can out-smart me, but I'm a ranger... aren't I??? (looks around). I-I-I don't trust Arwen, I can't tell who's who. I could even kiss Eowyn... she would like that... I wouldn't would I??? I- I-I might of... by accident I didn't mean to, let's hope she doesn't find out. I think I might have kissed a guy but I'm not sure, everyone looks the same, especially the elf guys I'm not sure they are even men, and I grew up with the elves.  
  
Stupid elves.  
  
Today when I went to go play a card game in the game room everyone stopped talking now I'm sure they are plotting against me. All I heard was 'Estellio' I have no idea why they kept saying trust but I won't worry about that now because I plan too escape from this 'Lounge' today. I don't trust those woman as far as I can kick them, actually I trust them less.  
  
I escape tonight.  
  
~*~*A few days later*~*~ I tried to escape a few nights ago but some how those evil elf women Arwen and Galadriel stopped me...  
  
////That Night\\\\\  
  
I walked down the hallway and I had almost made it to the door out of this hell hole, when suddenly Galadriel stepped in front of me. I turned around to go the other way and Arwen was there. I was terrified; I was trapped by two powerful elvish women. Then I started talking to them and than I saw that Arwen had a dagger and the next thing I knew I was in bed with my side bandaged. I think Arwen stabbed me to keep me from escaping, but I'm not sure. I think she framed Glorfindel to take the blame for my wound.  
  
Lucky bastard.  
  
The other day I was teaching Faramir to read elvish, but he can't even read English. Did I forget to mention Faramir is a Took... you know Peregrin's son... a hobbit. Who the hell names their kid Peregrin. Anyway I decided to mess with Faramir's (Took) mind. Insert evil laugh. It was a good stress relief, now I see why Arwen likes to be evil. Faramir was reading elvish like  
  
Line, squiggle, dot, line, line, dot, dot, line, star, squiggle, h thing, dot, dot, dot, line, star, squiggly line thing.  
  
Oh that was very funny, it really said... I don't know, I can't really read elvish but no one knows, it's not like anyone can read elvish anymore except Arwen, but she doesn't count.  
  
What a good day except for the evil elvish women. 


	2. Week 2, Scared for life

A/N: Poor Aragorn....lol  
  
Disclaimer: See chapter 1  
  
Week 2  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I'm avoiding Arwen, she's a tricky person, elf, women, thing. Anywho, trying to escape from her I found myself running down the hallway to my game room. I went to the game room found hobbits, four hobbits. Frodo was there Sam was there and Meriadoc and Peregrin were there too. Didn't Frodo go to the Grey Havens??? And Sam didn't have a wife??? I mean why can't everyone leave me alone. So I found them playing poker. I asked if I can hide under the table. Unfortunately I found out later (What I deem as too late) that they were playing strip poker. I swear to valar that Sam had something on his leg but ewww, get it away from me. That was disturbing; I don't think I'll ever be the same again. I'd choose Arwen or Sam anytime. *shudder*  
  
I have seen to much Sam... I'm scared for life.  
  
Yesterday still haunts me, ewww Sam. I hid today in my secret tree-house in the white tree to avoid Sam and the rest of the hobbits; I'll never look at hobbits the same way again. Oh I love my tree-house well its not exactly a house and the tree is not exactly, so I just sort of lay beside the tree in the dirt (reminds me of my ranger days), sometimes I think no one knows I'm alive, because people still think Denethor is in power. Sometimes I wonder if anyone really realizes I'm here, and than I think of Arwen and I wish no one did realize I was here. Oh why did I ever agree to marry Arwen, what was I thinking. Maybe Arwen used her elvish powers on me, or maybe she drugged me or maybe...What the hell did she see in me I wonder, we only met once before we were betrothed, ONLY ONCE, what did she see in me I'm only a lowly human. I wasn't even clean when we first met. Maybe she's the insane one, not me...not that I am insane or anything...not insane.  
  
Why did I marry Arwen and not Eowyn, what was I thinking.  
  
Today Arwen wanted to get a pet so I took her to the pound, I would have made her go by herself except that I needed to keep up the appearance that we still...I mean we loved each other so Arwen wouldn't make it harder for me too escape, I still don't understand how she would do this but I don't want to find out. Anyway she wanted to get this rabbit thing, it sorta reminded me of Gollum, it made weird noises that strangely sounded something like Gollum. I suggested to Arwen that she should call it Gollum, but she named it Strider, STRIDER?! I think she is trying to make me jealous or something, I'm not quite sure though. I think I shall hold a meeting for all the men in the palace and see what they think we should do.  
  
Strider, STRIDER?!?!?!!?!  
  
My meeting was a disaster all the guys that came had dyed their hair blonde, except for Legolas, he already had blonde hair. Stupid elf. Is Legolas even a man?, and when did he come back... eh. Also at the meeting I saw Eowyn at least I thought it was, It might have been one of those girly guys, or Legolas, I was quite sure about that either. They follow me everywhere. I need sometime alone. Maybe I'll use those eagles Gandalf used... I miss Gandalf, why did he leave. I cried at the end of the movie... book... when it happened. I was there, or at least I think I was.  
  
GANDALF SAVE ME!!!!  
  
I found myself having a tea party at the lounge (Minas Tirith). There were a lot of people there including Arwen. She brought something called Vodka; she gave me a lot of that. I don't know what it really was, but it was really good good. Last thing I remember having the twelve glasses of the stuff. I woke up the next day on the top of the tower of Echtelion naked. I contemplated jumping off the tower to end my live and finally be away from Arwen and to avoid embarrassment, but than I figured my death would probably give Arwen pleasure. Evil elvish woman is out to get me, can't escape her.  
  
Must plot...eventually....  
  
I really got to get out today. Need exercise, starting to get a beer belly. Sometimes I find myself poking it and watch it jiggle. Very amusing. Maybe I'll start running. Arwen wanted to go see a movie. I think she wants to see Hildago. Who is Viggo Mortensen anyway?? People keep saying he did such a good job playing Aragorn, but I'm Aragorn, what are they talking about. I think those movie makers should make a movie of my life.  
  
It all started when Gilraen the fair married Arathorn son of Arador. Arathorn was killed by an arrow throw the eye (I have a pretty cool father huh) and Gilraen took me her son to Rivendell to be raised. Oh those were the good ole days...  
  
I'm waiting movie people.....  
  
Today I found myself exercising my arms lifting.....tape, oh that was so much fun. I remember when I was fit and could run for three days straight, oh those were the days... with the hobbits... ahhh Sam no. I still have nightmares about that, its so horrible. Anyway Arwen is planning something big I know it. She giggles like a school girl now every time she sees me. I'm scared, and my birthday is coming up soon, hope Arwen forgot about it... I hope.  
  
I hope...  
  
Reviews:  
  
Elle Greenleaf: Glad you liked it, hope you like this chapter. =D  
  
Blue Flame Angel: Lol we have lots of ideas, this story will go on for a while, we'll probably do one from Arwen's point of view too.  
  
If there is any mistakes in this chapter that's because we I mean me (Ringmarciel) edited it...I'll probably repost it in a day or so it doesn't have any mistakes. 


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